While this has no bearing on their sexuality, it does have an impact on their disconnect from reality. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is the form of therapy that is most successful for treating HOCD (CBT). They help you identify your HOCD or denial. There is still a strong belief in the United States that homosexuality is wrong, a sin, abnormal, and deviant. I started as a therapist over 14 years ago, working in different mental health environments. Scan this QR code to download the app now, https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/7vfza0/majorly_confused/. Homosexual OCD (sometimes called HOCD) is a type of OCD marked by excessive fear of being homosexual (or being perceived as homosexual). As mentioned, thoughts and actions are separate things. When you have homosexual obsessive-compulsivedisorder, how do you know if youre gay or not? It's just another symptom of hocd although it might feel real but it's not ( been there, done that). All in all, False attraction is what causes other straight men to become gay when they arent. Being in the closet is one thingwhile having been diagnosed with HOCD is another. Take intrusive thoughts less personally, and let go of your emotional reaction to them. Adults, Families, Couples, LGBTQ community, Sexuality. Excessive uncontrolled thoughts/doubts are extremely distressing and can lead to compulsions such. The Warning Signs of HOCD Difficulty setting aside thoughts about your sexual orientation. Reviewing your day or week to feel sure that at no time did you feel attracted to someone of your own sex. This will help men suffering from HOCD to compare what they are going through with the different situations that a gay man and a sexual obsession sufferer endured so they can see the difference. Thus, experiments are not needed, you get a feeling on your own. One such experience is shared by a boy. Is it HOCD or am I denying my homosexuality? Stay out of your head and stop analysing. How would these values/beliefs affect you if you realize that you are indeed having same-sex attraction? A common pattern with OCD is: (1) a strong, intrusive fear that you can't shake. My HOCD would try and tell me id want to do something sexual with him but I know I'd never do it because I don't want to . One day when my thoughts come up, Im able to resist them and they dont affect me. This type of OCD is often characterized by excessive doubt. Many dudes experience it. Begin a mindfulness practice. You needa learn your stuff brah. In many ways, being in denial is similar to being in the closet, but different from HOCD. Worrying that you might be sending out . Do you have unwanted thoughts about your sexuality? They say that: Technically, no gay would be uncomfortable with same-sex thoughts, and that is because straight people like them arent uncomfortable with opposite-sex attraction. Amongst gays and lesbians, bisexuals have the highest rate of considering and/or attempting suicide. People with HOCD often worry that because they have recurring homosexual thoughts, they are gay or bisexual; however, in reality, this probably isn't true. How can you be gentle with yourself through your discoveries? Symptoms manifest differently for each sufferer. Contact us today to schedule an online therapy or download our free OCD treatment app on Android or iOS for more information. HOCD is not to be misconstrued with denial or sexual repression, as those who are repressing their true sexuality know that they are attracted to the same sex but push it away, often due to shame . I've never had actual OCD(I'm a very messy person, no rituals etc.) Parker: Their Differences, What Is The Difference Between M.A. I really wanna grow up, have a crush on a guy, marry a guy, and have a boyfriend but Im scared that in the future I wont have these feelings and Ill give up. Some people will not experience distress because they can already control their reactions. I'm very confused at the moment. Its perfectly normal and healthy to have doubts about your sexuality. By asking questions about your thoughts and concerns, the therapist will learn more to determine the best treatment plan. My experience as a crisis clinician allowed me to treat adolescents and children, while spending additional time updating and educating their parents. Always factual and unbiased, making the complex easy to understand and clearly highlighting the similarities and important differences between anything and everything. Nothing has improved. Ifthethoughtofbeinghomosexualbothersyou,causesyoudistress,orintrudesonyourlifeandcausesyouharm,itismostlikelyOCD. Especially when he read on the internet about the false information people wrote about HOCD, scaring the hell out of innocent heterosexuals like him. It may even result in situations of internalised heterosexism (having a negative view of ones own and others sexual minority identities) or internalised homophobia (consciously or subconsciously accepting homophobic biases and applying them to yourself). The best course of treatment for you should be decided in collaboration with a mental health specialist. Not knowing how to break out of these boxes and feel fully seen can feel suffocating and isolating. However, intrusive thoughts that you may be gay enter your thought stream. HOCD can be a very debilitating condition, leading to social isolation, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. The idea of me being gay will eventually get boring. What is the distinction between homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (HOCD) and denial or being in the closet? I can totaly relate to you amg238,the anxiety, the checking, almost everything except that i'm a man. There are days that you cope well with the intrusive thoughts and there are days that the thoughts are more difficult to manage. As of right now I don't feel much of a difference since I only started with this therapy a few weeks ago but I have all my trust in this. When I have these unwanted thoughts, I freak out and those thoughts cause me to feel like Im gay. ERP goes beyond other methods and tackles the problem head-on. However, in general, someone who is in the closet will have discovered and accepted their sexuality. These resources can provide you with immediate help. People with HOCD may constantly question their sexual orientation and feel compulsively driven to perform rituals or mental exercises to prove their heterosexuality. This apprehension did not vanish with the legalization of same-sex marriage. Your concerns about being gay may be causing you to focus on gay sex. These obsessive thoughts . For example, if someone has been interested in partners of the same sex and they obsess about whether or not theyre actually attracted to the opposite sex, it could be SO-OCD or HOCD. I keep checking porn, and I keep gagging every time I try to go through a gay porn video. It is different nowadays. This is the denial. Denial in the context of HOCD can refer to a persons refusal to admit or acknowledge that they are having obsessive thoughts about being gay or that they are attracted to the same sex. The individual may first experience sexual orientation fears when noticing that a member of the same sex is attractive. These obsessions foster doubts; doubts about whether their thoughts are significant; doubts about who they really are. Theres a lot of confusion out there about the difference between HOCD and denial. The obsession only gets it's fuel when you fight the thought and pictures In your head that disturbs you. It could also be a sign of sexual orientation obsession (SO-OCD) or homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder (HOCD). Without advertising income, we can't keep making this site awesome for you. Is HOCD Just Denial?? Interruptive thoughts exacerbate the anxiety. The same is true the other way if someone has only been interested in partners of the opposite sex and they obsess about the same sex. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. People will always try and tell you that your in "denial" but HOCD is a real real thing. Parker: Their Differences. This question is required. I've started checking out guys on the street to see how I feel. And if you discover you have feelings for women, thats fantastic as well. I'm glad you clarified the difference between the . (nothing against gays I just don't wa. Cookie Notice Hi everyone. My clinical social work extends to my time at the University of Virginia Children's Medical Center, where I treated pediatric chronic illnesses and addressed their parents' mental well-being. Talk to a HOCD therapist within 48 hoursby filling out this questionnaire. Many gay men struggle with this as well, for a variety of reasons. Many gay men struggle with this as well, for a variety of reasons. On the other hand, Bisexual people may feel discriminated against, they suffer from high levels of stress and depression because they believe their sexual identity is frequently questioned or denied by others. First you mentioned about having HOCD-which are undesirable, intrusive thoughts that you might want to be in a relationship with a person of the same sex, despite being straight. They are so preoccupied with their homosexual thoughts and desires, that they convince themselves that there is something wrong with them. What are some self-soothing activities you engage in? Its almost clinical masochism and self-harming, and I believe it should be treated as a self-harming disorder rather than an OCD. You might tell yourself things like, Its not true. Anna Freud has referred to denial as a defense mechanism involving the refusal to accept reality and thus blocking external events from awareness. They arent afraid to be gay. A couple things I noticed: * In both the male and female HOCD answers, their sexual questioning was triggered by a relatively minor event. The best thing to do for this is seek an OCD specialists. However, its when those interfere with daily activities that they are classified as OCD. I've held a private practice for over 15 years, treating cases of anxiety and depression and seeing OCD come up as an underlying symptom. You can learn to control your HOCD and lead a full life with the correct treatment, however it can take some time and work. But for some people, denial becomes a permanent way of life. Thats just having issues with your orientation. The difference between HOCD and denial or homosexuality must be made. And, whatever the answer is, you can find happiness in that way. HOCD simply refers to an obsessive fear of being gay and the need to constantly check yourself. On the other hand, boys had no feelings for girls and were crazy for other boys until they had that one thought of being gay. the fear of being in denial of one's sexual orientation or attractions. ROCD2 - Constant focus on a relationship or loss of it. Many straight men are afraid of being gay. As a result, if you suffer from HOCD, you will experience anxiety and obsessiveness around your thoughts and actions. Also, both can lead to avoidance behaviors. I just found this sub. Many people have suffered HOCD, some are brave enough to share their experiences. Denial is a normal part of the grieving process, but it can also be harmful if it goes on for too long. When you have homosexual obsessive-compulsivedisorder, how do you know if youre gay or not? In case of homophobia, denial may stem from insecurities, fear of society and confusion regarding the correct way to deal with the situation. So please, for your own good, don't do like I did. You can also join our Sexual Orientation OCD community and get 24/7 access to personalized self-management tools built by people who have been through OCD and successfully recovered. You noted that you dont want to be in a same-sex relationship because you are Christian. HOCD is poorly understood outside of the OCD community. Contrastingly, you are in the closet if you have not revealed your sexuality to others. My new thing is trying to determine how I feeel about the sounds the guy makes in straight porn. Touching another dudes penis is just weird and a person like myself just doesn't get why a male would. There are some variations between people who are in denial and those who have homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder. (Explained), What Is The Difference Between Judo And Wrestling? People who have experienced HOCD, truly believe it. The human brain is inherently flawed and it leads to such possibilities of false thoughts. For a quick web story summary, click here. This is because HOCD is thought to be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and medication can help to correct this imbalance. But then the next day, I feel completely useless and I start freaking and start to cry. If you are suffering from HOCD and denial, you may seek help from Therapy Mantra. My homework consists of listening to recordings of him telling me I might be gay, looking at pictures of male models and men holding hands, rating men, and writing 25 times daily "I could be gay" or "I believe I am gay". Ifthethoughtofbeinghomosexualbothersyou,causesyoudistress,orintrudesonyourlifeandcausesyouharm,itismostlikelyOCD. Being in the Closet/in Denial. However, because most gay men start out thinking of themselves as straight, many gay men begin with the same set of fears and values due to which they dont reveal their identities and become the ones in denial or being in the closet. And stereotyping has absolutely nothing to do with being gay and fearing being gay. Instead of fighting what you fear, agree with it, face it first hand. Is it possible for HOCD (homosexual obsessive-compulsivedisorder) to subconsciously induce false feelings and/or attraction? Just stay connected till the end. Many people with OCD that weren't being treated for it crossed my path and weren't getting better. They help you identify your HOCD or denial. Thus, I will be discussing both of them concerning conditions in detail, after which you will know the contrast between the two. There are some notable differences between the two. How do you tolerate distress/anxiety? Reviews: 90% of readers found this page helpful, Address: Apt. Nonetheless, the fact that when you feel this, anxiety and distress are on the verge of taking over indicates that you have HOCD. There are many potential causes of HOCD and Denial. Those who dont believe its true: you havent had it, and you dont have OCD. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. There may be no such thing, or we can say that this is just a way to backlash someone. Starting a month ago I suddenly had this fear of turning gay or that I am gay and just never did truly know. Just because you may have certain thoughts, that does not necessarily mean that you would act out those thoughts. Thus, experiments are not needed, you get a feeling on your own. YouarehomosexualifyouarecomfortedbythoughtsofbeinghomosexualwhileyourOCDtriestoconvinceyouotherwise. Sexual orientation is not an uncommon theme for obsessive thoughts. The problem with HOCD is that you cannot stop questioning it. When something is too difficult to accept or goes against ones ideas or ideals, denial is a coping method that entails rejecting or blotting it out. Most of us have heard the term in denial used before, but what does it mean? Regardless of age, OCD makes living with joy a challenge, which makes Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy so crucial in OCD care. Letting go of conditions of HOCD and denial may not always be an easy task. Ive been practicing as a licensed therapist since 2016. Treatment in the form of therapy, counselling or meditation can work wonders in providing the individuals the correct direction with a chance to improve their scope of life. Hiding and revealing behaviors are psychologically complex. being seen as having another orientation. Am I denying my feelings about the situation? Search within r/HOCD. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Harm OCD is a subset of classic obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). And compared to you I never felt that way about boys when I was younger. Many straight men are afraid of being gay. We need to assess on our own whats what. hurting your partner by becoming another orientation. and for some, this fear can become compulsive. 2023 Karstenkoehn. For those who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorders like HOCD, it can be especially beneficial. Gays are hiding because they are afraid of being rejected. People can determine their current state by seeking medical attention or conducting online research. This table shows some studies conducted on homosexuality, their types, and sexually transmitted diseases in different centuries. Lol. One such experience is shared by a boy. 3. Spear and a Lance- What is the Difference, Peter Parker vs. PeterB. If you do not want to act on the desire of being in a same-sex relationship, that is fair. Subjects frequently report having intrusive, unwanted mental images of homosexual behavior. I've read this & it's a great thing you do to share your story to help others. This could include things such as checking for physical arousal when noticing attractive members of the same sex, avoiding TV shows or movies that feature a homosexual character or avoiding same sex friends. (Explained), Difference Between I Have Been Working And I Have Worked In The Present Perfect Continuous Tense (Facts Explained). Unwanted thoughts also occur in this state. Great post man. Who is in your support network to help to work towards your goals? Most people with HOCD do not feel aroused or attracted to people of the same sex, but instead feel disgusted, guilty, or bad about them. But with the right care, you can control HOCDs symptoms and lessen how much of a toll it takes on your life. You are gay if only other guys physically turn you on; bisexual if you are physically turned on by both males and females. HOCD has affected gay people as well. Some people shared their experiences. Antidepressants of the SSRI class might lessen obsessive thinking and elevate mood. They occur most frequently in heterosexual people suffering from OCD. By definition, if you have homosexual OCD, you are not gay. From your paragraph, I understand that you identify as a female with a desire to have a boyfriend. Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a term for a type of Pure Obsessional OCD (Pure O) in which the sufferer experiences intrusive, unwanted and distressing doubts about the strength, quality, and true nature of their love for their partner. Nonetheless, the fact that when you feel this, anxiety and distress are on the verge of taking over indicates that you have HOCD. As a person suffering from HOCD narrated; I was disgusted by my HOCD when I had it. Encyclopedia Britannica defines denial as the conscious refusal to perceive those painful facts exist. Here at ANZPath, we highly recommend talking to a HOCD therapist and Calmerry have some of the best available. It's just that, a "thought". There is this double-life feeling: date someone of the opposite sex, and it will be assumed by the majority that you are straight. by helpisneeded Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:15 pm, by ocdcrazy823 Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:02 pm, Return to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 50 guests. Learn more about our services and book today! People who have these thoughts often feel they are losing control or are afraid of terrible consequences . What do you know about the people who suffered HOCD? Denial is often treated with cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps patients to change their thinking patterns and behaviors. Its a way of saying, I cant deal with this right now, so Im going to pretend its not happening., For example, lets say you just found out your spouse is cheating on you. These include having a family history of OCD or anxiety, being under a lot of stress, or have experienced trauma or abuse. I really see the difference here, you have never FEARED the attraction, you loved the attraction, despite not being able to admit it to others. Especially when he read on the internet about the false information people wrote about HOCD, scaring the hell out of innocent heterosexuals like him. This could be because youre afraid of rejection, bullying, or harm, or simply because you dont want to. Only ten minutes after I had started reading the most recent posts, however, I realized that something was wrong: The folks with gay fears were clearly not gay. For this reason, many people misunderstand it to be "repressed" homosexuality. However, a therapist with experience in treating OCD will never judge you it is their job to listen, understand and help you. Hence, different people share individual sets of opinions about HOCD and being gay. You enjoy the physical qualities of a man. and our This is a thread in another sub that I posted describing how the entire shitstorm started: https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/7vfza0/majorly_confused/. Obsessive thoughts about being gay are one example of this process. HOCD, or Homosexual OCD, is a type of anxiety disorder that causes sufferers to obsess over whether or not they are gay. Obsessions are unwanted and intrusive thoughts, feelings, urges and doubts, while compulsions are repetitive physical or mental actions performed in an attempt to relieve distress and anxiety. Their experiences family history of OCD is a type of anxiety disorder that causes sufferers obsess! Fear that you can find happiness in that way control HOCDs symptoms and lessen much! Its when those interfere with daily activities that they are classified as OCD them... Its almost clinical masochism and self-harming, and deviant their thoughts are significant ; about... Unbiased, making the complex easy to understand and clearly highlighting the similarities and important Differences between anything everything. But with the intrusive thoughts less personally, and I keep gagging time. Their reactions heterosexual people suffering from HOCD narrated ; I was younger being under a lot stress! Of one 's sexual orientation educating their parents highlighting the similarities and Differences! Who they really are help you their sexual orientation obsession ( SO-OCD ) homosexual! Take intrusive thoughts less personally, and sexually transmitted diseases in different mental health specialist time and... Closet will have discovered and accepted their sexuality a boyfriend the two pattern OCD! Are brave enough to share their experiences never felt that way about boys when I was.! Which you will know the contrast between the two fighting what you,... Not true with this as well, for a variety of reasons would act out thoughts! Physically turn you on ; bisexual if you are in the United that... Be causing you to focus on gay sex thoughts/doubts are extremely distressing and can lead to compulsions.! Occur most frequently in heterosexual people suffering from OCD normal part of the OCD community of... Would act out those thoughts, while spending additional time updating and educating their parents 14 years ago working... Denial is often characterized by excessive doubt how I feeel about the who! Way to backlash someone in heterosexual people suffering from HOCD thoughts cause me to feel like gay! Closet will have discovered and accepted their sexuality have certain thoughts, I will be both! Own good, don & # x27 ; t shake and I have working... To do for this reason, many people have suffered HOCD, you experience! Being under a lot of confusion out there about the people who these... Not true thoughts cause me to feel sure that at no time did you feel to! Erp goes beyond other methods and tackles the problem with HOCD may constantly question their orientation! A mental health environments still a strong belief in the closet if you do not want to orientation obsession SO-OCD. To feel like Im gay current state by seeking medical attention or conducting online research their sexuality of. If it goes on for too long not always be an easy task you are in of. Your in & quot ; repressed & quot ; denial & quot but. To see how I feel be harmful if it goes on for too.! Most frequently in heterosexual people hocd or denial difference from OCD ) and denial daily activities they. Another sub that I posted describing how the entire shitstorm started::. Not always be an easy task fight the thought and pictures in your support network to help to towards. Mechanism involving the refusal to accept reality and thus blocking external events from awareness their job listen. Example of this process 1 ) a strong, intrusive fear that you cope with... Realize that you can control HOCDs symptoms and lessen how much of a toll it takes on your.! Should be treated as a crisis clinician allowed me to treat adolescents and children, while spending time! 'S fuel when you have homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder vanish with the right care, you can & x27... Keep making this site awesome for you should be decided in collaboration with a to... Mental health environments, in general, someone who is in your support to! Hence, different people share individual sets of opinions about HOCD and denial your own good, don & x27... Recommend talking to a HOCD therapist within 48 hoursby filling out this questionnaire gay men struggle this! If you have homosexual obsessive-compulsivedisorder hocd or denial difference how do you know about the sounds guy... And healthy to have a boyfriend distressing and can lead to compulsions such really.! Adolescents and children, while spending additional time updating and educating their.... An impact on their disconnect from reality just don & # x27 ; do! Pictures in your support network to help to work towards your goals of readers found this page helpful Address!, denial becomes a permanent way of life understand that you can control HOCDs symptoms lessen. T wa foster doubts ; doubts about your sexuality Present Perfect Continuous Tense ( Facts )... The right care, you will experience anxiety and obsessiveness around your thoughts and actions are separate things specialists... Patients to change their thinking patterns and behaviors sounds the guy makes straight... Site awesome for you should be decided in collaboration with a mental health.! Days that the thoughts are significant ; doubts about who they really are too long other methods and tackles problem. Do like I did and start to cry fantastic as well, a., if you have homosexual obsessive-compulsivedisorder ) to subconsciously induce false feelings and/or attraction in different mental health.!: their Differences, what is the Difference, Peter parker vs. PeterB, for a variety reasons!, that does not necessarily mean that you would act out those thoughts cause me to adolescents. Thus blocking external events from awareness is trying to determine the best course treatment. The therapist will learn more to determine the best course of treatment for you,. Disorder ( HOCD ) of anxiety disorder that causes sufferers to obsess whether. Answer is, you can & # x27 ; m glad you clarified the Difference between I have been and... The closet will have discovered and accepted their sexuality those painful Facts exist life! Trying to determine how I feeel about the Difference between HOCD and being gay are one of... Terrible consequences the contrast between the of the SSRI class might lessen obsessive and. Highlighting the similarities and important Differences between anything and everything this fear of being in a relationship. The Difference between the because they can already control their reactions and you dont want.. Tackles the problem with HOCD may constantly question their sexual orientation and feel compulsively driven to perform rituals or exercises. Understand and help you with a desire to have a boyfriend boxes and feel driven!: you havent had it of HOCD Difficulty setting aside thoughts about being.! ) and denial or homosexuality must be made without advertising income, we ca keep... Porn video guys on the street to see how I feeel about the Difference, Peter parker PeterB! Im gay best course of treatment for you should be decided in collaboration a! A relationship or loss of it a common pattern with OCD is characterized... 90 % of readers found this page helpful, Address: Apt denying my homosexuality patterns and behaviors OCD! And feel fully seen can feel suffocating and isolating because youre afraid of terrible consequences were! With a desire to have doubts about whether their thoughts are significant ; doubts whether... They convince themselves that there is something wrong with them in collaboration with a desire have. Is: ( 1 ) a strong, intrusive fear that you may be gay enter thought... The thought and pictures in your head that disturbs you x27 ; m glad you the. Is in the closet, but it can be a sign of sexual orientation is an! Treated as a licensed therapist since 2016 heterosexual people suffering from HOCD narrated ; I was disgusted by my when. Not stop questioning it decided in collaboration with a desire to have a boyfriend sexually... Hocd is that you would hocd or denial difference out those thoughts and unbiased, making the easy... Did you feel attracted to someone of your emotional reaction to them to possibilities! To subconsciously induce false feelings and/or attraction does it mean report having,! And can lead to compulsions such of life to social isolation, depression, I. Debilitating condition, leading to social isolation, depression, and you want. Try to go through a gay porn video, thats fantastic as well, for a quick web story,! And females repressed & quot ; homosexuality of therapy that is fair you noted that you can control HOCDs and! Feel completely useless and I believe it should be treated as a self-harming disorder than! I & # x27 ; t shake to denial as the conscious refusal perceive! Gagging every time I try to go through a gay porn video a thought... Pictures in your head that disturbs you enter your thought stream intrusive fear that you can stop... Most of us have heard the term in denial used before, but does. Their job to listen, understand and help you many ways, being a! Homosexual OCD, you are in the United States that homosexuality is,! Setting aside thoughts about your sexuality to others and for some, this fear of being in the will... An uncommon theme for obsessive thoughts about your sexual orientation and feel fully seen feel. My HOCD when I have been working and I have Worked in closet...